Every week, I invite the readers of my blog and the listeners of my podcast to submit questions to me. No question is off limits. I answer questions about leadership, goal setting and achievement, life success, career growth, relationships, business, work/life balance-basically anything related your total life well-being. Each week I receive lots of questions and I personally answer each one.
How can I do what’s right for me without hurting my family?
A few weeks ago, a reader named Rosie wrote saying,
“My family runs a business that has been in our family for generations. After college, I joined the company just like everyone expected. But now, I’m miserable. This is not what I want to do for the rest of my career. How do I do what I truly want in life without ruining the relationship with my family.” ~Rosie (Chicago, IL)
Surprisingly, I get this question or some form of it quite often. Whether it’s choosing a career path, finding a spouse, deciding what city to live in, or a whole host of other important life decisions – we’ve all faced times when we find ourselves juggling the expectations others. Trying to strike a balance between what we really want and what others want for us.
Can you relate to Rosie?
There are so many voices in your head telling you what you should do that you get paralyzed and making any kind of decision is nearly impossible.
You find yourself in situations that drain you – emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically – all because you don’t want to be a disappointment or hurt someone’s feelings.
It’s a terrible place to be (yes, I’ve been there, too). Yet, if you want have a happy and fulfilled life, sometimes you have to make decisions that others won’t agree with. And, it doesn’t have to be as difficult or as hurtful as you might imagine. You can make decisions that are right for you and still maintain healthy relationships.
Here’s what I suggested to Rosie:
- Get crystal clear about what you do want. Yes, I know you want out of the family business, but where are you going when you leave? What does your dream career look like? Will you have to change career paths totally? Are you going to find another job or start your own business? Take the time to develop a vivid, detailed image of what you want.
- Get clear about the reasons why you want it. This is perhaps the most important step. As you make your move to leave your family business, you may encounter some resistance. Some of it may come from your family. And, some of it may come from you. After all, you’re doing something new and that can be scary. To avoid becoming stuck again, keep reminding yourself of why you’re making the move.
- Have an honest conversation with your family. This may be the most frightening part, but completing the first two steps will make the conversation much easier. The key is to be honest and direct. Let your family know that you’re not happy. Tell them what you’d realy like to be doing and why. Let them know that you’ll be making a change to live the life that you’d like to live.
- Make a smooth transition. As with any career change, a safety net is always a good idea. If possible, make sure you have a job lined up before you leave your current one. If you are going into business for yourself, try to save at least 3-6 months of living expenses before you leave. This does two things –
- First, it allows time to get your family adjusted and find a replacement. This is still your family and although you don’t want to work in the business anymore, I’m sure you don’t want to see it suffer.
- Second, you want to make sure that you can manage without having to come back and ask for your old job in a few months. (There’s nothing worse than having to face the “I told you so’s”)
Determine to live your life on your terms.
One this is for sure: making decisions that are right for you can be difficult at times. But, it’s well worth it. I encourage you to embark on an exciting new journey toward a life you truly love today!
Do you have a pressing question you want answered? Submit your questions here.